Rules for Replacements: 5 things to know about dealing with her kids.

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Mama bear. Somebody said it the other day in conversation regarding mothers and protecting their young. Then today I had a conversation, and it became obvious that I need to say something–many things–about these chicks who knowingly enter relationships with men who have children, and cause a bunch of problems. I swear it’s out of control. Evil stepmothers, husband-stealing whores and broads who want replacement daddies for themselves or their own kids are like the Zika virus–an infectious disease that comes on the scene and starts taking people out.

Where did you even come from? Why are you even here? Just no good. I’m so serious though. They take people out. It’s like the mission is to separate men from their kids (or their mothers) by any means necessary. And these men act like they’re completely oblivious. Okay, maybe they’re blinded by the pretending some women do–like I love the kids. They’re part of you. I love you. Maybe it’s the “new car smell”. Whatever. Well, here are some of the undesirable behaviors we mothers are fed up with, along with what we want you hookers to know.

Problem 1: Finance. Now that WE are together, WE have a family and WE have responsibilities and WE can’t afford to do (…).

1. What the mother wants you to know: Bitch, you just got here. Sit on down. His support obligation pre-dates your vacation plans! Even if it’s not court-ordered, he really does have an obligation to his kid(s). WE need to consider that in all future budget planning. And somebody needs to spend less or earn more if it’s a problem. Any woman worth having would respect and facilitate that. Yet there are many broads who would insist that he leave that other mother to fend for herself. She doesn’t have a man; I do. That’s not my fault and I’m not paying for it. I gotta protect mine. Somebody slap her for me. Then punch him for being a stupid wuss ass.

A male friend of mine told me you can’t really be mad at the woman for that; you have to blame the man who allows her to do it. There’s enough blame for them both–but woman to woman, mother to mother, it’s a crime. I’d bet she’s the same type of broad who has a circle of women friends and preaches female unity all the time. Girl, we gotta look out for each other. Shut up.

Problem 2: Segregation. Hers, mine, and ours. Any kid you had with another woman is hers. Anybody I gave birth to with or without you is mine and ours. There is no yours. You can only have, care for, visit with, and support the kids I say you can have. I gave you everything you need right here. Our family is complete. And if you insist on claiming that other kid, don’t expect me to support that behavior. I’m not gonna act like that’s my kid at all.

2. What the mother wants you to know: I don’t want my kid at your house anyway. You’re low-class, ignorant, petty, insecure, and a discredit to good mothers everywhere. But since he has visitation, and my kid loves his siblings, I’ll just keep my ear to the ground and my third eye open. I see you. Watch your step. You can get it. When my kid figures out you’re a rotten individual, I won’t have to do a thing. I’ll just watch as your illusion of a family disintegrates from the inside. You did it to yourself.

Problem 3: Abuse. Physical, mental, emotional, neglect. He’s so disrespectful. He’s so stupid. What did she put on him? She’s so triflin. Your mother doesn’t care about you. Your mother doesn’t want you. Your mother is the worst. Your mother (…). I beat him. I sent him to bed hungry. I fed him rice and water. I bought my son what he wanted, but I didn’t buy him anything. I’m not taking him anywhere with us. He can’t play with my kids’ stuff. He can’t go. He has to stay in that room until it’s time to go home. Your father might (…), but I’m not your father.

3. What the mother wants you to know: Well, it actually depends on the mother’s disposition and background how she handles this one. Where I’m from, in extreme circumstances, we use the acronym DGFU (I’ll let you figure that one out). Expect that message to come directly from the mother herself. She could possibly deliver the message to your home, or your work, or some more public place. You don’t want it though.

Certain mothers will be more diplomatic and communicate all concerns to the father, asking him to take action on behalf of his child’s safety. They’ll say, “ask your wife to refrain from making disparaging comments about me in front of my children” and such–in the interest of continued diplomacy. If he fails to act, she may or may not pursue legal avenues. But I can pretty much guarantee you what she won’t do is nothing. So if you think you’re getting away with it, it’s temporary. Enjoy that feeling while it lasts. 

Problem 4: Trickery/False Advertisement. I love this kid. I love his father. I’m the best thing that ever happened to them both. I’ll show them they don’t need her at all. She’s terrible anyway. This is my family now. 

4. What the mother wants you to know: Snap out of it. You may have some kind of spell over his father TODAY. Or a great credit score. Good for you, maybe. But he’s a man, and they have short attention spans. Cars, bikes, gadgets, women–they’re all wonderful for a while. But they age, and get rusty, a box is a box is a box, and new technology is invented every single day of this life. Kids are much like men in that regard. Anything that aint new is just old. Sure, it looks like they’re into you. May even look like they like you better than me. But kids and men are opportunists. You made them a deal they couldn’t refuse. Keep giving girl. Keep giving. No, really; don’t stop, or you’re done. I’m laughing at you by the way. Silly girl. Thanks for buying all that stuff; you saved me a bundle. Still laughing.

Problem 5: Undercutting. I know you’re married. But you’re not happy. I can make you happy. I’ll do whatever you want. When do I get to meet the kids? Oh, your kids are so cute. Let’s all go to …. 

5. What the mother wants you to know: Grown folks can do anything they choose to do. However, when you expose children to adult situations–like having to keep Daddy’s mistress a secret from Mommy–it’s a huge problem. If those kids think Daddy’s friend is just his friend and they interact so well with her, it’s still a huge problem. Their understanding of–the description we provided for them of–how married people should behave is now skewed because if Daddy does it, it’s gotta be okay. Or they walk around with their insides churning because they know it’s just not right. They agonize over whether or how to tell Mommy. And since Mommy is not a blockhead, she has sensed your presence.

So now the kids’ security is upset. Their balance is off. Though they may show no outward signs of trauma, the arguments and tension that will no doubt ensue in the home will cause them grief. Kids internalize grief. They may not be able to process that grief or remedy it until well into adulthood. Though the vast majority of people in this world will judge me as a woman, and say I’m bitter or angry or jealous or any other thing I probably am on SOME level, they’ll miss the fact that my predominant disposition comes from my own grief and uncertainty.

My family has suffered a significant loss. Trust, love, security, hope, happiness, peace, and everything I’ve built with this man all this time has holes in it. My soul grieves for what is lost, probably for good. It grieves for my children. They’ve done nothing to deserve this. Yes, I hurt for me. But I mostly hurt for them; I’ll have plenty of time to process my own grief because I’ve had training in this area–as an adult, ’cause it’s adult shit. 

Basically, what the mother wants you to know is stay in your lane at all times. Woman to woman, life often hands us what we don’t want. But as women, we are resilient and resourceful. We can absolutely recover from whatever tribulation we face; however, you don’t get to decide you’re better than the next woman, or you deserve so much more, thus causing her or her children tribulation in any form. If you can’t be respectful, expect to endure your own brand of tribulation in the future. And regardless of how mature or resilient that woman is, even if she’s completely mature and respectable, you can still GFU. You did it to yourself. Don’t play with other people’s kids.

From the Mind of:
Tonya D. Floyd, Author/Host


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