Be An Asset During Games; Ignorance Ruins Love Lives (BAAD GIRLL)
I must admit I was shocked to find how frequently women out here are experiencing issues because of some sport(s). My timeline is full of jokes about losing your man for half the year or longer, how hard it will be to find a man during football season, and other stuff like that. But I guess my surprise comes from the fact that it’s not like we have to lose them at all; it’s not like they choose sports over us. I believe they need both, but maybe with a few adjustments. I hear you. It is a fact that much of their time is spent in front of the television, and even at the events; however, I am here to tell you that you do indeed have power. And it’s time for you to start using it.
Look here, if you have a man, then half your battle is already won. He’s right there at your disposal. What you need to put you over the top is some good information that you will use. Now here is where I give you my disclaimer and ask if you’re on-board. While I am indeed a single woman, without a man to speak of today, I wasn’t always. In fact, I was once a married woman with super sports-loving powers of understanding, and I never took “No” for an answer during game time. He needed to know that if he was going to spend that much time doing what he wanted, he was going to give me my time too. And I always got it. Interaction was never our issue. Besides that, I know many men, and most of those men love sports—I’m talking multiple sports—some of them even play a sport. I hear a lot about what women are doing wrong, so I decided maybe I should drop some jewels on what these men would like to see. Hey, I’m all for saving marriages and bonding and stuff. It’s the romantic in me.
Okay here and now I will tell you the key to defeating the sports monster is … drum roll please, … you don’t; you simply, and subtly in most cases, turn yourself into a major player. It’s all about strategy, ladies. And the first step in plotting any kind of strategic attack is to know your opponent. In this case, football. Now, the tips I am about to give you are definitely interchangeable between sports, so if your guy isn’t a football lover, it applies to whatever he’s into. All I ask is that you read this with an open mind, pull out the parts you think you can use, try them, and continue using what works. What do you really have to lose? Are you in fact ready to learn how to be an asset to your man during football season, without missing the plays you want to see?
Go on Offense: I take it from your continued reading that you’re at least curious what I may have to share with you. That’s a good start. Now let’s get down to business. Knowledge is power. So what do you need to know? First, let’s talk about what you know about your man. He spends countless hours in front of a television, watching some type of competition. He will trek through snow and gusty winds to sit in an open stadium in sub-zero weather to watch this thing live. Why? Because it’s competition, because it’s fun, because it’s physical, because it’s therapeutic, and because he loves it. It’s euphoric for him. Yes, the yelling and cursing make you believe it’s more stressful than therapeutic, but I assure you he needs this release. Sex and exercise are strenuous for some, leave you sweating and panting, and affect many parts of the body, but are they not still good for you? Right. The worst thing that could happen to him is losing some money on a game. He’ll be fine otherwise. But we’ll come back to that.
First we have to make you a player. By that I mean a fun, challenging, euphoric addiction for your man. Of course he already wants you, but some days you wonder if he loves the game more than he loves you, because he pays you little to no attention; right? Okay, stop trippin’. Go on the offensive here, and start calling your own plays. Fact: Football season is composed of approximately 26 weeks—you have pre-season, then the 17 weeks of the regular season, then the play-offs, and those two weeks up to the Super Bowl. I say approximately because some guys become entranced with the specials that air before pre-season even starts, and can’t let go after the Super Bowl. There’s always a classic game on somewhere, or something. It’s that whole withdrawal thing, but we’ll cover that later too. And know that this is not just a game. This is big business, therapy, passion, purpose, how some people in this world actually make a living and feed their families; it’s different for everyone involved. Don’t belittle it simply because you don’t understand it.
So 26 weeks—get yourself a personal calendar where you plan your weekly attack. Seriously, write it down and follow it through. In the most extreme cases, we know he will be in a stationary location for the better part of 12 hours on any given Sunday watching the pre-game shows, then the games, then the post-game analyses of the other games, and the night game. What can you do with that? Know that there are commercials, and that during those he will reach for a beer, a soda, a wing, slice of pizza, or whatever lovely concessions you make available for him. Don’t make him ask you; just do it. Keep the chips and small snacks plentiful. He’ll be grabbing those frequently. During the colder months, he won’t even be mad if you cook up a hearty meal and serve it to him and any friends he may have over. Imagine the joy he will feel as his friends lick que sauce from their fingers or catch the gravy dripping off the fork, and they don’t have to yell for the salt and pepper, because you made sure it was already there. He will indeed brag on you if it tastes good too. Indeed. Score.
I just gave you at least 26 opportunities to shine, but it’s up to you to spread things out and change them up enough to keep things interesting. Consider this an exercise in communication, or bonding. Attitude is everything. Do something different each time, and do take requests. If he has a favorite meal, serve that one when somebody is around to witness it. His friends can be your allies in other times when he’s complaining about you. They won’t let him forget what they saw you do for him—especially if they live with complainers. Use that to your advantage. Serve it all up. Refills, done. Condiments, got em. Be on point with the hostess thing; you’re in the game, even if you don’t know a thing about it. Score.
Educate Yourself: Speaking of being clueless, don’t sweat it. You don’t have to know everything about any game to bond with or even impress your man. You just need a few key pieces of information, and you need to take a stand. Hey, I’m telling you how to be a winner; you must choose a team and know why you chose them. Here’s what you do. Go online whenever you have a free minute, and start perusing the league website for headliners. The guys who are in the news that week for some notable or even bonehead thing they did. Those are easy choices, and any man may challenge you saying you only want to cheer for him and his team because he’s so popular. What you’re looking for is the ones who stand out physically—your type of man candy, the kind your man knows floats your boat. Your rebuttal will be, “I think he is sooooo fine, and I’ll be on his team any day.” Normally, this would be inadvisable; however, this kind of tension can be good, and I’ll show you how to use it to your advantage for the purpose of getting in the game.
The next thing you’ll do is go out and buy a jersey representing your new favorite player. You’ll wear it around the house, or as you run errands, but just pick a random time during the week. And you have to look hot in it. Don’t get it all super big where it drowns you. At some point during the day, let your man catch you wearing it and nothing else. When he rolls his eyes and tells you to take it off, challenge him. “Make me, or better yet, you take it off.” Then reward him. He can hate the guy, but how can he be mad when he can benefit from it too?
When your new favorite team plays, you will cheer for them, and your new favorite player, but first you must make a wager with your man. Make it really interesting, racy, and fun. Promise him something for every time they score, or if your team wins, or even if your team loses; be creative—and be sure to deliver. Do something he normally would have to beg for if his team wins. And if they happen to lose, I hope you have something motivational to take his mind off it. I’m saying get in this game, girl. You know this man. Touch him in places you know he will feel, figuratively speaking—or not so figuratively speaking. 12 hours, 26 weeks. You can keep up with it, but you cannot beat it. They need it. And they want you to understand that. So get to the bottom of it, learn as much as you can stand about the game, the players, his team and your new team. You may just learn to love it too.
Some days your man will be looking at you sideways because you have all of a sudden taken an interest in what you were just complaining about recently. But hey, you’re in the club now. You’re actually watching the game with him, and you have input. And hopefully, you’re wearing as little as possible. Men are very visual. Use that to your advantage. Be noticed, without saying a word. If you have company, just put on something you know he likes rather than the itty bitties. And don’t get carried away and act like you wet your pants or anything extreme when you see your new favorite player, but be involved. You know your man, so you know how much is too much. Just look at the bulge in his forehead or the look on his face for information on how to act next. He’ll either be extremely annoyed, or quietly amused. Adjust for that, or just sit there and try your best to figure out what’s going on. The commentators help by calling every play during the game. Take it all in. I mean, the alternative is you could just sit beside him on the couch for however long and stay mad because he pays you no attention except when he needs a beer. Choice.
Okay, if you’re not ready to go this route and be assimilated into the fold, you can slow walk this thing and just settle for asking him some questions. Our men love to teach us things. What better way to show interest than to ask questions? But timing is EVERYTHING. Wait for a commercial break, or when he’s asking for another beer, or during the analysis shows or something like that. Just slide it in, then give it a rest. In your spare time, make it a point to go online and search for some history on the game, look up key terms you hear, WATCH one of the analysis shows, and try to follow along with what they’re saying.
Research your man’s team, find somebody he likes, and get their jersey for him or for you. Buy him tickets to a game, or don’t. But don’t just sit around and complain about what he’s not doing with you. Part of the reason he escapes to football land could be your incessant nagging, complaining, or refusal to bond with him in the thing that he loves almost as much as, or maybe even more than you. It’s absolutely and entirely possible. If you just don’t want any part of the game, leave the house and come back later. Leave the room, and enjoy the quiet of him not being on your nerves, or just go about your life like nothing special has happened at all, and see him when you see him. But if you want to be an asset, you’ll change it up. My point is you have to do something different to get a different result. The only reason you’re still reading this is because you realize you need some new ideas. Keep reading until you find one you’re comfortable with.
Electronic Educators: As if it weren’t bad enough, your man may be one who spends countless hours in front of the television playing the latest version of some videogame, when he’s not watching everything else related to the actual game. Yes, this is a bit much. And depending on your particular relationship, you may be able to get him to do other stuff, or hang out with you, or live an otherwise normal life. But some women are not so fortunate; their men aren’t very interactive or productive, and they’re probably exiting the relationships as we speak because of that. I have found that when guys are frustrated with things they cannot control like unemployment, low income flow, impotence, dealing with an ex- and the kids and other heavy stuff, they zone out or get lost in some kind of game. Sometimes they lose touch with their women altogether, and relationships can be lost that way. But if you are staying, I have good news for you—about this particular type of game anyway.
You know how your man seems to know every player on every team, their stats, their college background, and more than they can remember about you or your own kids? You can thank videogames for at least some of that. What they don’t get from watching college ball, professional ball, and every show related to either, they get from playing the game. It’s a one-stop shop for player profiles and talent showcasing. Here is where they get to live vicariously through the players on the field too. It may be adolescent to you, but I assure you it is very necessary for some men. Hey, their therapy looks a lot different than the kinds you’re used to. And this is not a book about internal issues, or how to fix them. I’m just trying to help you stay engaged, and not feel alienated.
You too can be educated on the players in the game today with the help of the other game. Not ready to play it yourself? Watch your man play. Ask your kid, or your friend’s kid to let you watch, give you pointers, and answer your questions. Before you know it, you’ll be walking through the basement one day and catch a glimpse of someone, and you’ll call out their name, as you walk away. Your man will hear this, and think nothing of it at first, but after a few of those incidents, he will most likely say something to you about it. Don’t look so surprised that you know this stuff, because it’s just catchy that way. Again, you don’t have to know everything, but make it a point to know somebody, and let it be known that you know. He will appreciate it, even if it’s not obvious. Score.
The Halftime Show: So between the second and third quarters of the game there’s a fifteen-minute break where a bunch of analysis takes place on games being played right now. Your mission is to interrupt the regularly-scheduled halftime show and insert one of your own. Here is where you step out into the spotlight and showcase your talent. Nothing subtle here. You are going to perform your own halftime show. Don’t panic; you’re still in charge of what you do, but I have a few suggestions for how to be suggestive in a way that he will never mistake your intentions.
First things first—you need to know when there are only two minutes left in the second quarter. At this point, the game is paused and goes to commercial break anyway, so as you check to see if he needs anything, you’ll lean down and whisper in his ear that you need to see him upstairs, or in the room, or the garage, or wherever, as soon as halftime starts, and it will only take about ten minutes. Choose your words carefully, using whatever body language you need to use to get the point across, then look him in the eye and say “Don’t make me wait, and I’ll have you back by the third quarter.” Keep your word, and make something magical happen within ten minutes, then send him back to his game and go on your merry way. He will appreciate it, even if he says nothing. Score.
Now you can use this method if your man has company over, but even if he’s alone, the suggestion will do something to him. There’s just something in a whisper. Or you could be more forward, and time it just right so you’re stepping out of the bath or shower, smelling like loveliness, at the 2-minute warning. Try taking a walk in a towel, and at the right moment, just bend over to pick up something in close proximity to him. I’m not talking that prissy curtsy kind of bend either; I’m talking about this is your man and you’re trying to keep the fire burning, and that heifer football is stealing your time kind of bending. You may wanna just let the towel hit the floor and ask him what’s up. It’s totally up to you, but you get the gist. Have fun with it. Be a part of the action. Score.
Men aren’t as complicated as we sometimes give them credit for. Find what motivates them, and give it to them—real good, as often as possible; they’re so much more malleable that way. You like getting trinkets; don’t you? You can appreciate a nice dinner date; can’t you? Who doesn’t like some kind of massage action from time to time? How about hugs and other forms of affection? Right. Would you like that regularly, or once a year? I’m just saying, if you’re in this relationship, odds are you wanna be in it, so be excellent, unpredictable, giving, strategic, and thoughtful. Be creative. Be what you want him to be for you, without the fear of having to go first. Be serious about what you want, but don’t be a whiny, nagging, antagonistic cow and expect him to go all obligatory on you and just hand you what you want. Sometimes you have to finesse it, and I guarantee you’ll get way more of what you want that way than the other way. And don’t go around thinking they need all the same things you do. We’re a little different in certain areas. Give YOUR man what HE needs from YOU.
Now, should his team be losing, there’s an opportunity for you. What opportunity, you say? Well, he may be a little despondent, or angry. He will no doubt be heckled by his boys who can’t stand his team. Sometimes they call before the clock winds down to zero. He may have lost money, or fantasy football points, or his star player could be injured, or whatever. Now, that’s the stressful part for him. So what do you normally do when your man is downtrodden and people are riding his back? You pick him up, girl! But now that you’re going to be operating in knowledge, your approach will be different. Not every situation calls for something sexual or aggressive; some require a gentle touch, a stiff drink, warm cake, or just some quiet time. Give him what he needs at that time, and when you have him back in your space, just be there. Cuddle up with him, and say nothing if that’s what he needs. You know your man. Act accordingly. Yeah, I said it. Don’t look at me like that. This stuff can get real emotional; I’m just saying….
Don’t miss a play: Okay, you’re no rookie. You know the game. You love the game. You have a team, several players, and you want it quiet when the game is on too. Hecklers need to be respectful, or they need not visit, ever. You want the same kind of treatment your man wants. Who’s bringing you refills, and keeping chips in your bowl, and making sure your wings are hot and ready when you are? What about your emotions, fantasy team, and halftime show? Yes, I feel you wholeheartedly. But the short answer is it depends on the kind of man you have. Being the kind of girl I am, and knowing what I know about doing things right, I’m gonna say take the hit, and do it yourself.
I would love to say that the man you took such good care of would reciprocate, but I have to be honest; they just become more and more spoiled, and their skill set is a lot different than ours. I see you shaking your head, and I hear you calling me names, but it’s like packing the diaper bag on his day with the kid, or the overnight bag, or making up the bed. They just do not do things the way you and I would. Make sure everything is ready for everybody on game day, but when he gets up to whizz, and you know he will with all that drinking and winging he’s doing, feel free to yell, “Ay Babe, can you grab me another beer, and bring some napkins? You know I got you later.” He should do that without complaint, because he knows you will take care of him later. See how that works? Still scoring. You can’t always get everything, but if you put in the good work, you can get a lot of what you want and need too. It is not a perfect world. Deal with it, or change it one action, one day, one man at a time. Those are your options.
The Mourning Period: Come February, life will change a bit. No more 12 hours, 26 weeks; instead, it will be more like a few basketball games a week, and football withdrawals. This is prime time for you to spend time with your man. I must warn you, though; don’t let your guard down and start slacking off on the treatments. Crank it up a notch. He will be accustomed by now, and you just have to keep it coming. Read some books, watch some videos, ask him some questions or something because you still have work to do. By now it should be second nature, and you should be so versed in trickery—I mean care-giving—that you start drafting up your own plays for the off-season, and the next season. He may even have some favorites and start making requests. Just have fun! Take his mind off the fact that he has no football. I’m telling you from experience it’s a real tough time. Sometimes around the beginning of August, I start looking for classic games to watch, and the anxiety rises within me like the weeks just won’t go by fast enough. It’s that heavy.
Seriously, if you’ve done any of what I suggested here, you’ll know I’m right; you just have to be there for him during this time of loss. And the great thing for you is you’ll be getting quality time now that you weren’t getting before. Make it count. Love it. It’s all a form of communication. And the most effective communicators know that you have to use language and gestures which cater to your audience, or the point is lost altogether. Commit yourself completely if you want to be on BAAD GIRLL status. It has its own rewards.